Mixed signals

Well, I got into a situation and am trying to figure out what it's all about. For a while now, I've been thinking that what I needed was a fuck buddy - you know, a no strings attached sexual relationship - just fun, no commitment, no questions, free to do what I want when I want. I have never been good at long term relationships. And earlier this summer, a potential FB came along. He IM'd me on a dating website we were both on, and the conversation progressed and got pretty heated. The next night, we chatted again. The third night, we went out for ice cream and "bike night" at a local hangout. Over the next couple of weeks, we chatted and IM'd, and things got very hot.

We ended up in bed - him "pleasuring" me orally. And I must say, it was FANTASTIC! Totally mind-blowing. He did not pursue his own happy ending, though.

Over the next couple of days, I considered the scenario, and made the mistake of discussing it with a couple of friends. Of course, neither of them "approved" of it, and attempted to talk me out of continuing. Then, I started to think they were right - I was being treated like a ho, I deserved better, blah, blah, blah. So, I told the guy "I can't do this". He asked "what can't you do?" I can't have meaningless sex, was the response. He told me he'd never had meaningless sex in his life, that if I wasn't attractive to him, and sexy, and passionate, he'd have never pursued me.

BUT - what I haven't told you is that - our starting conversation was on a Monday, and the following Saturday he sent me an e-mail saying he had an out-of-town guest, and that a few days later he was going on a trip, and wouldn't see me until the NEXT Monday. OH

OH OH OH - and one other thing I neglected to mention - He lives around the corner from me, as it turns out. I drive past his house at least once EVERY DAY. He's 1/3 of a mile from here, on my way to every grocery, hardware, department store I frequent!

Okay, I was pretty sure the guest was a woman. And I was okay with it - he had prior plans, and who was I to question the circumstances of the out of town person? I dealt with it - until a couple of days later I'm headed to the store to get a couple of groceries, and who do I see walking down the street - holding hands with another woman? Yep.

Now, it's one thing when the possibility is only in your mind. It's a bit different when it's right before your eyes.

That's all I'm ready to talk about tonight.